Understanding How Divorce Affects Children

Couples who only stay together for the sake of their kids can often do more harm than good. The behaviors in your home influence how your children will behave as adults.

A few weeks ago I read a friend’s Facebook post about how her state-mandated “parenting course” taught that divorce will ruin your children.

She said:

“Completed my parenting course — it’s junk. Tells you 700 times pretty much you’re ruining your kid because you’re getting divorced . . . What about leaving toxic, unhealthy relationships because it’s necessary?”

Her comment reminded me of a conversation I had with a family member right after leaving my ex. In effect, he said that if I was getting divorced it was my fault—and that if I remarried before my children were all 18, it was the most selfish thing I could possibly do.

His perceptions were way off base—as were the “facts” provided to this friend.

The real impact of divorce on children

Several studies in the early 80s suggested that kids whose parents get divorced go on to have lower grades than their peers, and are more likely to have physical and emotional problems. More recently, however, studies are showing that “most kids adjust well over time.”

What does it mean to “adjust well over time?”

A study published in Psychology Today in 2014, provides some helpful information about how children often respond to…