The secrets to a happy marriage—or not

There’s much more to happy marriage than well-meaning but terrible advice. –Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

It seems that everyone has some “wisdom” to help you navigate married life—the secrets to a happy marriage, if you will. While some of this advice is worthy of your attention, much of it can be downright destructive.

While I’m hoping marriage advice has changed since I married my first husband, I know there’s still a great deal of well-intentioned but awful advice that can help destroy your marriage and your self esteem.

1. Treat him like a king and he’ll treat you like a queen.

Heard that one before? It’s a lie I despise. No one should ever grovel and give, and give, and give, and grovel just for the hope that one day they’ll be treated well, not even on “queen” status, but well.

Treating someone like royalty without reciprocation does one thing: It makes the one feel entitled to special treatment.

Just because you’re willing to give up your own preferences, forego needs and wants, and cater to every one of your spouse’s whims doesn’t mean you’re going to get treated like royalty one day. It could very well mean that you’re treated as a doormat—and you know where this leads: heartache, self-deprecation, and loss of self-worth.

I got so used to feeding entitlement that during my first real relationship out of my…