What gaslighting means—with six examples of gaslighting

Know the signs of gaslighting and take an inventory of your relationship. You deserve to feel safe and sane in your relationships. –Photo by Charlie Foster on Unsplash

I often stop to validate my thoughts and actions based on known facts. It’s a habit developed after leaving a marriage dominated by gaslighting.

Today I’m grounded in the moment—pragmatic, “dealing or concerned with facts or actual occurrences; practical.”

For the duration of my first marriage, however, I often felt lost in a fictional, conflicting world. I didn’t understand it until I sat down and watched Girl on the Train. As the movie ended, I gained a new understanding of the life I’d left behind and the lies that blended with my reality.

What gaslighting means

Stephanie A. Sarkis Ph.D., author of Gaslighting: Recognize Manipulative and Emotionally Abusive People — and Break Free, provides an excellent description of what gaslighting means:

“Gaslighting is a pattern of manipulation tactics used by abusers, narcissists, dictators, and cult leaders to gain control over a person or people. The goal is to make the victim or victims question their own reality and depend on the gaslighter.”

She goes on to explain that gaslighters may not even be aware that their behavior is the problem—even when confronted with it in therapy.